How are my lung so destroyed

I'm having another bad breath day and i'd be lying if i said i wasn't scared. the truth is that my lungs were destroyed even before i started smoking and i was angry and resentful of my lungs and that is where my desire to destroy them comes from. but that doesn't mean i don't freak out every time i get a bad breathing attack because the feeling of not being able to breathe is pretty terrifying.when i was very young, i was diagnosed with allergic asthma and allergies to pretty much everything. for some reason my parents decided for me not to take meds and my lungs were failing for years before i had the chance to make my own decisions about my health. i guess they thought god was going to heal me or something, but of course, the miracle didn't happen. when i went to the pulmonologist for the first time on my own, i found out that i will never breathe at full lung capacity because my lungs are messed up because i didn't get treatment in time. i was never allowed to start smoking, let alone become a heavy smoker, but i don't like it when someone say no to me and i hated my lungs and wanted to destroy them...i'm telling you about my lungs and my smoking while chain smoking 2 marlboro red cigarettes.